As a parent, you are your child’s greatest advocate, and you play a vital role in ensuring they receive the support they need at school. But advocating for your child’s needs can sometimes feel like a delicate balance—especially when it comes to navigating the school system. You want to make sure your voice is heard, but you also want to maintain a positive, collaborative relationship with the school team. The good news is that advocating effectively doesn’t mean being confrontational or overwhelming the school. With the right approach, you can advocate for your child’s needs while fostering a partnership that supports their success. In this post, we’ll explore strategies to advocate confidently and constructively for your child’s needs, so you can feel empowered at every step of the way.
While I believe collaboration is a great starting point, it’s equally important for parents to understand their rights. Parents and students have legal protections and processes designed to address complaints and find solutions. Be sure to familiarize yourself with these rights and learn how to recognize when they may not be upheld.
In Texas, these processes are outlined in the Procedural Safeguards given to families prior to starting special education services and every year after that.
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Understand Your Child’s Needs
Before you can advocate effectively, it’s important to understand exactly what your child needs. While every child’s situation is unique, there are common issues that parents can be prepared for, such as academic struggles, social or behavioral challenges, or difficulty adjusting to school routines. The first step in advocating for your child is identifying these challenges clearly so that you can present them to the school in a way that’s helpful and specific.
Gather Information:
Educational Assessments: Review any formal assessments, such as standardized tests or IEP evaluations, to understand where your child may be struggling academically.
Observations: Take notes on what you’ve seen at home or in other settings that may be contributing to your child’s challenges at school. Are there particular tasks or situations that cause frustration or anxiety?
- Classroom & Behavioral Data: Keep samples of work sent home to highlight concerns related to academic performance. Keep a record of your child’s behaviors in different settings (home, school, during specific activities). This can help identify patterns that might need to be addressed through additional supports.
Present these observations and data to the school team. The more specific you can be about your child’s needs, the easier it will be for the school to develop a clear and actionable plan.
Build a Collaborative Relationship with the School Team
It’s easy for parents to feel like the school system is out to get their child, especially when things are not going well. However, it’s important to remember that most school staff members—teachers, administrators, and support staff—want what’s best for your child. Often, the issues arise due to a lack of training, insufficient resources, or miscommunication. Building a positive, cooperative relationship with the school team can go a long way in making sure your child’s needs are met.
Here’s how to build trust:
Open Communication: From the outset, establish a clear line of communication with the school team. Make sure they know you are available for discussions and concerns, and encourage them to reach out to you with any updates or questions about your child’s progress.
Acknowledge Their Efforts: Teachers and school staff work incredibly hard, often with limited resources. Acknowledge the challenges they face and thank them for the work they are doing for your child. A little gratitude can go a long way in fostering positive relationships.
Collaboration versus Confrontation: Remember that the school team is there to help your child, and most problems arise from a lack of understanding or resources. Rather than confronting them with demands, collaborate on solutions. Approach the situation with curiosity, a willingness to listen, and an openness to compromise.
- Facilitate Team-Based Accountability: Set timelines and reasonable expectations. If the IEP isn’t quite right, the team can set plans for check-ins every few weeks. Determine who will be in communication, the goals for the communication, and the frequency of these check-ins.
By positioning yourself as a partner in your child’s education, you’re more likely to see productive, ongoing collaboration that benefits everyone.
Be Prepared and Specific in Your Requests
When it comes time for meetings or discussions with the school, being prepared and specific is key. Vague or unclear requests can be difficult for the school team to act on and may lead to frustration for both parties. Being specific about what you want and why you believe it will help your child is essential to effective advocacy.
Here’s how to be prepared:
Know Your Child’s Needs: As mentioned earlier, make sure you have gathered clear, specific data about your child’s strengths, struggles, and needs. This information will help guide the conversation and make your requests more compelling.
Make Specific Requests: When presenting a need, offer a specific suggestion or solution. For example, if your child has difficulty with transitions between activities, you might request a visual schedule to help them stay on track.
Be Clear About the Desired Outcome: Make sure you’re clear about what you want to achieve. Is it additional support in the classroom? A change in instructional methods? Be specific about the results you hope to see and explain how they will benefit your child.
Propose Solutions: Don’t just present problems—offer solutions that are practical and actionable. Schools often have limited resources, so it’s helpful to suggest solutions that are reasonable within those constraints.
Being prepared will not only help ensure your child’s needs are taken seriously but also demonstrate to the school that you are a thoughtful, collaborative partner.
Focus on Solutions, Not Just Problems
While it’s important to communicate your child’s challenges, it’s equally important to focus on solutions. Schools may already know about the problems your child is facing, so rather than rehashing the same concerns repeatedly, focus on offering potential solutions. By doing this, you move the conversation toward creating a plan that works.
For example:
- Problem: Your child struggles with transitioning between activities.
- Solution: Suggest a review of evidence-based practices that apply to your child’s struggles and work together to identify the strategy that fits the need and the environment.
This proactive, solution-focused mindset will show the school that you’re committed to finding ways to support your child’s success rather than just pointing out the issues.
Stay Calm, Patient, and Open-Minded
Advocating for your child can be an emotional process, but staying calm and patient during interactions with the school team is crucial. When things don’t go as planned or when pushback occurs, try to respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally.
Here’s how to stay grounded:
Stay Calm: If the conversation gets heated or the school team pushes back on your suggestions, take a moment to pause and breathe. Responding calmly and respectfully will help keep the conversation productive.
Be Patient: Change often takes time, especially in a school setting. If a request is not immediately granted, stay patient. Continue to advocate for your child, but be open to working with the team to find alternative solutions.
Be Open-Minded: Sometimes, the school may have a different perspective or approach that you hadn’t considered. Be willing to listen and explore other options that may work for your child. Flexibility can lead to a better outcome for everyone.
- Plan Next Steps: You can suggest that the team come back to the table in a few weeks to review data related to areas of disagreemnt. There is no rule that says the team can not meet more than once per year!
Common Mistakes to Avoid
1. Assuming the School is “Out to Get” Your Child
It’s easy to feel like the school system is working against you, especially when things aren’t going well. But it’s important to remember that most schools are not actively trying to “screw you” or your child. Issues often arise due to gaps in training, a lack of resources, or miscommunication. I believe the best approach is to assume positive intent from the school and work collaboratively to find solutions. Know the rules so you can identify when they aren’t being followed.
2. Overloading the School with Too Many Requests at Once
While it’s important to advocate for your child’s needs, bombarding the school team with too many requests or issues in one meeting can overwhelm them. Consider consolidating your concerns into overarching categories so you have a simplified summary. Reach out to your team ahead of a meeting to set an outline of the agenda.
3. Being Unclear or Vague About Your Child’s Needs
Without clear, specific information, the school may struggle to develop the appropriate support for your child. Use data, examples, and concrete observations to paint a clear picture of your child’s needs, which will make it easier for the school to take action.
4. Not Keeping the Lines of Communication Open
Good communication is key to advocacy. If you fail to follow up or communicate regularly with the school, issues may fall through the cracks. Keep the lines of communication open to ensure ongoing support for your child. Consider adding check-in’s on your calendar to stay on top of proactive communications.
Tips from My Experience
In my years of working in the field of special education, I’ve learned a few important lessons about advocacy that I’d like to share. These tips will help guide you through the process and support you with approaching advocacy in a way that is productive and collaborative:
Stay Solution-Oriented: Always focus on solutions, not just problems. Schools often face limitations in resources, and being mindful of this will help you propose realistic solutions that can actually be implemented. This will help you turn wasted time into productive conversation focused on helping your child take a step forward.
Assume Positive Intent: It’s easy to feel like the school is not on your side, but the reality is often much more complex. Issues with resources, training, or even sheer oversight can lead to problems, but it’s rarely a matter of the school “not caring.” Looking for holes in competence, resources, and effective accountability measures will likely help you uncover issues faster than assuming a team mate doesn’t care.
Be Consistent and Persistent: Advocacy isn’t a one-time thing—it’s an ongoing process. Be consistent in following up, checking in, and keeping the conversation open with the school. Persistence shows that you’re committed to your child’s success and that you’ll continue to work alongside the school to make that happen.
Know When to Pick Your Battles: Not every issue will get immediate attention, and some requests may take longer to implement than others. Pick your battles carefully and prioritize what will make the biggest impact on your child’s well-being and education.
Partner with Other Parents: You’re not alone in this process. Connecting with other parents who are advocating for their children can provide you with valuable insights, ideas, and support. Together, you can help build a stronger community for your child.
Look for Training from Professionals: There is a lot of training out there if you know where to look. Start with a few of my favorites:
- SPEDTx
- Partners Resource Network
- Iris Center
- TEA Technical Guide: Individualized Education Program Development
- Wright’s Law (Special Education Law & Advocacy)
- COPAA (Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates )
- COPAA hosts an annual conference on topics related to special educaiton advocacy!
